she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
