after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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