it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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