I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize