a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
