I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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