You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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