just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize