Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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