So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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