i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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