guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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