I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
