Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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