Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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