New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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