I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
