Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
