So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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