Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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