i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
