dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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