Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
