we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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