My nipple is on Facebook.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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