I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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