He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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