I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
