Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
