My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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