Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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