No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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