At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
