Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
