Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
