He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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