But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
