Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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