people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
