I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
