i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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