btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
