Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
