I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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