Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
