There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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