WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
