the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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