Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have demons in me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
