He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
