u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
