I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
