I think I won the penis lottery.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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