I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
These tits shall not be calmed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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