i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
