sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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