Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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