I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
