so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
